Seeking Clarity on Marital Obedience and Female Autonomy

DWQA Questions › Seeking Clarity on Marital Obedience and Female Autonomy

Dr. Asiya Staff asked 2 weeks ago

Ma'am, I am a student of yours from 'The Power of She,' and I have been learning from you on and off even before that. I resonate deeply with your ideologies; listening to your words makes me feel incredibly empowered. I studied counseling in America and currently provide counseling services for women, including teenagers and married women. Among married women, a recurring issue is how the elevated status Allah has granted husbands is sometimes misused. Men often use this as a tool for control, telling their wives, 'I am forbidding you from doing this, and if you disobey, you will be a sinner.' I see cases where husbands refuse to allow birth control, regardless of the physical or emotional toll on the woman or how many children she has already birthed. If she opts for birth control privately to protect her health, it is labeled as 'disobedience.' There are even baseless 'fatwas' given on trivial matters, like forbidding women from knowing the gender of their child. I want to understand: what is the actual scope of a husband's obedience in Islam? Women are constantly restricted in every matter. A woman is an individual with her own feelings and freedom; she is a human being, not a captive. Where do we draw the line?

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Dr. Asiya Staff answered 2 weeks ago

Look, Allah (SWT) knows what is best for us and where our well-being lies. Giving birth is very important for a woman—for both her emotional and physical health. The Prophet (PBUH) will take pride in the large numbers of his Ummah, so women should have more children. If you look at Europe, the birth rate is low, which is why they are now emphasizing having more children. They have introduced concepts like the 'Soft Girl' lifestyle, where the man earns and the woman raises children; this is a natural concept—a matter of biological survival.
Along with this, when people enter the bond of marriage, just as it is a man’s right to have children, it is also a woman’s right. Both sides must agree; these are matrimonial rights.
Regarding your point about physical issues: if there are already children and there is pressure from the husband to have more, every case is different—unless you specify the exact case. Today's educated girls often limit their capacity after having just two children, which is wrong. My own example is before you; MashaAllah, I have seven children and have raised them very well.
Suggestions vary from case to case. Some have genuine health issues, or perhaps the previous child is still very small and they need a gap. If a man is simply being overbearing or 'bossy,' that can be opposed. First, the woman should present her case before Allah, and then before her husband.

Seeking Clarity on Marital Obedience and Female Autonomy

Dr. Asiya Madani is a highly accomplished professional with a robust background in Islamic Education and English Language and Literature. She holds a Ph.D. in Islamic Educational Psychology, with a focus on students’ active learning and skill development through effective teaching strategies.