Dr. Asiya Staff asked 1 week ago
I am 24 years old and I have found someone I want to spend my life with. However, he is paralyzed. I am concerned that my parents might not grant permission for this marriage, even though my father is a very kind man. In the past, he told me, "Tell me whoever you like, and I will arrange your marriage with him."
Now, I am conflicted about whether I should speak to my father directly. The guy is professionally stable; he works online for Meta and does Bug Bountying, easily earning around 150,000 PKR per month. His family is also very respectable.
He has already spoken to his father about his intentions. His father agreed, saying that if the girl's family accepts, he is happy to move forward. I shared everything with my mother, but her reaction was negative; she says she will never let me marry him.
I don't care about what society thinks—I accept him exactly as he is. My only wish is for my parents to stand by me. Just for context, his paralysis is a result of a genetic condition due to cousin marriage; his parents are cousins. He was healthy before, but became ill later in life.
1 Answers
Dr. Asiya Staff answered 1 week ago
You are in love with a person who is paralyzed, and your chemistry matches perfectly. However, you haven't looked at the practical side of these matters. You will have to make a lot of compromises. People who cannot walk, or who face similar challenges, will expect you to "walk for them"—meaning you will carry a double responsibility. While this is a noble sentiment, I must warn you, just as your parents have tried to explain; they fear that you might not be able to sustain this commitment in the long run.
Keep one thing in mind: people in this situation can become very self-centered, and sometimes narcissistic traits develop. They may feel entitled and might stop doing even the things they are actually capable of doing. He may be a wonderful person with an amazing personality, but remember, you will be the one making the sacrifices.
Once you make your decision, write down three specific points regarding what you are willing to compromise on. Most importantly, understand that there is often a "void" within them caused by their personal trials—a void that can never truly be filled. Because of this, they may develop an excessive desire for "consumption" (constant attention or resources) to compensate.
May Allah protect you from these hardships. Taking this step is a beautiful gesture, but be careful and clear your mind.
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