Dr. Asiya Staff asked 3 months ago
I’m 24 years old, and I have a few questions.
How can I create a positive vibe? Some people naturally make others feel uncomfortable people tend to stay away from them because of their negativity or toxic behavior. How can I build good and healthy relationships with people around me?
Also, how can I control my anger? Because sometimes, even after doing a lot of good for others, I still feel angry, and I don’t feel like talking or even seeing anyone’s face. No matter how much good I do, it doesn’t count people still consider me toxic. I am aware of my behavior and feelings, but I just don’t know how to control my anger.
I also want to do Hifz (memorization of the Qur’an). It’s something my heart truly desires, but I keep getting distracted. Sometimes I memorize half a para, sometimes two paras, but then I lose focus because of family issues or daily life. When I get distracted, it takes months to get back on track.
I also can’t find a suitable madrasa here in Karachi. The one I used to go to focused too much on sectarian beliefs, and the other one I tried didn’t feel suitable either.
I want to do something meaningful in life, but I can’t seem to find direction .I don’t know what path to take in terms of education or future goals. Should I prepare for CSS, go abroad, start MPhil, or do a diploma? I honestly have no clear track right now, and it feels like nothing is working out in life.
I also want to get married, but my family insists that the guy must have his own house, while he is currently living on rent. I am already engaged to him, but my family has made this condition that he should have his own home first.
Please reply to all my questions I would be really thankful.
1 Answers
Dr. Asiya Staff answered 3 months ago
You are 24 years old and want to create positive vibes, but you mentioned yourself that you do a lot of good yet cannot control your anger. This results in you proving yourself to be toxic, even though you are not. Regardless of what you do, people always perceive you as stone-hearted and an impossible person.
The second point is that you want to memorize the Qur'an (Hifz), but whenever you start, you cannot continue. You lose focus.
Tell me a little about your background: are you sitting at home, or do you have a boring routine? Do you have a lot of time to kill because your surroundings and environment are not giving you a chance to break free, to figure out what work to do that will give you self-worth? Along with this, a frustration is developing inside you.
Because of this frustration, this happens: although you try to be positive and want to maintain relationships with Allah and with people, this frustration—this resentment that has built up in you—makes you feel stuck and trapped. That feeling is constant, due to which you sometimes cannot react healthily to situations, and sometimes things slip out of your hands.
A small thing leads to a very big reaction. By 'small things,' I mean those that are not actually harmful.
And regarding your point about Hifz-ul-Qur'an, I agree it is not that easy because it is a very big task, which is why it is done in childhood when distractions are much fewer. In reality, Hifz is difficult at your age. However, people with strong determination (passion) do manage it. This is about making the impossible possible, and when a person makes a firm intention, nothing stops them.
So, the point is that while it is not easy, the most important thing is that you are trying to do Hifz by yourself. You need to engage a teacher (Ustad) and join a madrasa with them slowly. The presence of a teacher alone doesn't solve the problem. The reason is that your companions, the atmosphere of the madrasa, and then your parents and the environment of your home—all these things come together to create a supportive atmosphere. It is with this supportive atmosphere that you finally feel Hifz will be possible.
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