Feeling Spiritually Lost After Motherhood: How Can I Regain Consistency in My Deen?

Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu. You have a three year old son and a one year old son. And you are struggling with your connection with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Sometimes it becomes very good, and sometimes drama and social media consumption etc. And you think you are a hypocrite. Your in-laws are good people, but you don't find them spiritual. So you don't want your children to be brought up like this. You think your life is purposeless. And you want to grow up. Let me tell you one thing. At this age, this is the condition of a mother. Because of this, you can't make a meaningful routine with your children. And you can't pursue anything seriously. And you have a constant feeling that you are doing a very primitive job. Because you don't have to raise a one year old and a three year old child. You just have to feed him on time. You have to take care of him. And just to keep him clean etc. Or you have to take care of your children. Women feel this a lot. Educated girls feel a lot that this is what I had to do. And it seems that the rest of my life will pass like this. So the first thing is that the rest of my life will not pass like this. This is a phase. And in this phase, people usually say that if you want to take more children, then take more. So that I don't have to go through this phase again and again. So this is a very important part of life. Without this, life does not pass. And if there is an investment like this, then the next thing will work. So first of all, make yourself satisfied that you are well on your way. And things will go on like this. Now let's see how we can improve these things. It is said that since the children are small, I am lost and let me be lost. And there is no other way. This is completely wrong. A lot of disciplined people keep themselves disciplined in the presence of children. I don't say that the career or the connection with Allah or their dreams are the top priority of their lives. Because at the moment, the top priority is the children. And there is a very bad system with the children. There is pressure from the in-laws. The husband is walking on his own path. Look at him, he has a lot of pain. And when you discipline yourself, your children learn the lesson of discipline from their mother's lap. Those of us who are disciplined as a family, how are they disciplined? They are disciplined like this. Anyway, let's move on to this point. Now this is how we have to discipline ourselves. First of all, my mother used to talk about a great thing for this. And what we need to understand is that remember one thing that the children don't have to lead you. You have to lead your children. If there is a boss in this house, then you are the boss. I am saying the word boss because you are the one who has to make the system in this house. And you are the one who has to run the system. In fact, the status of the husband in the house also becomes secondary. So first of all, keep in mind that you are the system maker. Now it is like this that you make the system and the people of your house, at least to the extent of your room, to the extent of your children, they are bound to go by you. This is the first thing. You can't do them 100% with a machine in a pot. I agree with this too. But what can you do? You also know very well that these children are fully dependent on your husband. My mother, I learned this lesson from her. My mother was a part of a very large joint family system. And that's where every daughter-in-law gets a room. So my mother also had a room. And to the extent that we were four siblings. And my mother used to collect food. In which one has to make roti, one has to make food at one time, the other has to make food at another time. There were duties. This is how the work of the house was going on. What is my mother inside it? The commotion that used to come and go, you know what happens in the joint family system. My mother used to lock the room for us to focus. And the meaning of locking the room was that this room will not open for two hours. There is a washroom in it. Bathing will be done. Homework will be done. Studying will be done. The most important thing is to be grounded. So do these things. Your children should have a schedule. According to that, the children should go. Discipline is the key. Okay. After that, I will recommend you a lot. Don't give up on your dreams. I don't say that because the children are crying from there and you have your spirituality. You also know that you can't focus on your prayers right now. But do as much as you can. And do it according to the system. Just read the duty. But there will be four duties so that you will be satisfied. Take out time for that. Your children's time to eat. Your children's time to sleep. It should not collide with this. Or rather the time to sleep. That is, your children are sleeping. So you can do this work in that. Similarly, your dreams, your qualifications. The field in which you have worked hard and brought yourself here. You don't leave that field at any cost. This is its way. I usually give the super nanny. This is a reality show. And it is very popular. So I want you to see it. And when I am doing parenting courses, etc. Or I am taking parenting counselling. Then I give homework. I have to watch an episode of it every day. While watching it, we realise. Where we can discipline ourselves. And we can also take advantage of others. Because when we are not disciplined, we can't take any work from others. And we feel that I am all alone. This happens. But the same thing is to give yourself totally. This is also wrong. I don't say that you are like a woman. Whose children have grown up. Have gone to their homes. You can be disciplined like that. I don't think so. But it doesn't mean that you leave yourself completely. And let me tell you. This is a very beautiful time to raise children. This is the time when you are close to nature. Your biology, your hormones. All kinds of very beautiful work. Which children have to raise. You see that Allah has made a girl, a girl, a woman. A girl is a mother from the first day. And a mother till death. So being a mother is quite an honour.