Dr. Asiya Staff asked 1 week ago
I have finalized my eldest son's engagement, and the wedding is in a year. Both families are meeting frequently so we can understand each other's temperaments. I want to make dresses for my future daughter-in-law, but I'm worried: if I ask her, it might be a hassle, and if I make them myself, she might not like them. What should I do? Also, please give me basic tips on being a mother-in-law, as it takes time to understand someone. Lastly, how should I set boundaries regarding communication—should I talk to her daily or once a week? The family is very nice, religious, and educated.
1 Answers
Dr. Asiya Staff answered 1 week ago
MashaAllah, you are marrying off your eldest son. The departure (Rukhsati) is a year away, and wedding preparations are in full swing. You are already in touch with your daughter-in-law-to-be; they seem like lovely people. However, you are unsure whether to involve her in every detail (like dresses) or how to manage it if you don't. You also want to know how to set boundaries for after the wedding. You wish to learn from the mistakes others have made so you don't repeat them. What truly ruins a marriage are unrealistic expectations.
First and foremost, regarding your current situation: please do not have such long engagements. They often lead to trouble due to the frequent coming and going. May Allah let this period pass with ease and blessings. Before a formal bond is tied, the spirit of sacrifice is often missing on both sides; once married, people tend to compromise more. Therefore, please do not delay the wedding for so long. You don't need years to 'know' someone—empirically, this approach is flawed. Relationships that fail aren't necessarily between 'bad' people; it's often just a lack of compatibility.
I urge both parties: Limit your interaction. Avoid unnecessary expectations; they only cause friction. Regarding the clothes, buy what you like—it isn't such a big deal. All women wear what is given to them after marriage anyway. Have some courage: either give her the money or take her with you and tell her, 'Pick what you like within this range.' That way, both your wishes are met. Suggest a specific number of outfits for summer and winter. Compliment each other, but do not take over each other's responsibilities.
Keep interactions minimal!
After marriage, the husband, wife, mother-in-law, and every family member wants the relationship to be the 'best.' What ruins it is having the intention but no road map. We often don't know what 'giving your best' actually looks like. In a marriage, treating each other as individuals is the most important thing. You should settle a few things with the daughter-in-law and her family today.
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