Dr. Asiya Staff asked 1 week ago
I have some concerns regarding my parents. When I politely point out that certain practices are superstitions, contrary to Islam, or instances of culture taking precedence over religion—such as the need for simple marriages, visiting shrines/saints, or ensuring a girl's genuine consent in her own marriage—they simply ignore me. They dismiss it by saying, 'One has to do these things to survive in society.' Yet, they pray and discuss Islam with us; they just avoid these specific issues. As we grow up, I feel it is mandatory for both us and our parents to discuss and learn things that are actually beneficial.
I have observed that while both my parents are mentally strong, they are emotionally sensitive—perhaps because we are four sisters. Secondly, my two elder sisters married within the family, and due to immense frustration and generational conflicts, I have decided not to marry within the family. I know every setup has its challenges, but I want to take a different path. When I told my parents, they simply said, 'It is even harder to manage outsiders.' My father says it is more important to be financially stable first so I don't face the issues my sisters and many other couples in our society face.
I know they want the best for me. Am I overthinking because I want a husband who is both emotionally strong and firm in his faith (Iman)?
1 Answers
Dr. Asiya Staff answered 1 week ago
I was reading your detailed message. The focus on 'old schools of thought,' marrying within the community (biradari), and superstitions—it seems your parents are strong, honest, and pious, yet being conservative is their 'safe haven.' This is exactly the issue; we often struggle to break out of this.
We are currently conducting a course on Usool al-Thalatha (The Three Fundamentals), which covers the core texts of Hadith and Aqeedah (faith) in written form. I think this would be best for you; during the month of Shaban, learn it yourself and then share and forward that knowledge to your parents.
Regarding your father's stance, he wants everything to be financially stable, but it's never just about one thing—everything (emotional and financial) is necessary. Clearly communicate to them that you are absolutely serious about not marrying within the biradari, and help your parents understand your perspective in this regard. Perform Istikhara (prayer for guidance), and only discuss these matters when a specific proposal arrives; otherwise, it is just a waste of time.
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