Parenting in the Digital Age: Guidance for Modern Challenge

Parenting with Purpose: Addressing Modern Challenges
You are quite concerned about the upbringing of children, and your first question was how to protect them from the "fitnas" (evils/tribulations) of this technological era. I will try to answer your questions, but this topic is too vast to cover in a single message. We have just completed a course titled "Parenting with Purpose." I wish you could have been there; however, if you wish to join now, please contact Saira—you might be able to get the recordings.

1. Who is the Boss?
In the course, we discussed the fundamental concept: who is the boss? Parents must realize that they are the guardians and must fulfill this responsibility. Show compassion to your children and spend your resources on them, but spending resources does not mean parents "own" their children or have absolute authority over them. One must fear Allah in this regard. You must give your child respect and consideration, just as any human desires—whether the child is 6 months old or 10 years old.

2. Technology and Social Media
I congratulate you on keeping your children away from social media; this is truly a great achievement. It shows you are an excellent manager and caregiver. However, in the coming days, you will have to loosen your grip slightly because technology has immense benefits, and in this era, you cannot avoid it entirely.
As the children grow, start giving them selected, supervised time. For example, when my grandson was three, my daughter installed an LCD screen. She used a USB drive to play only the content she wanted him to see. This way, he watched only what his mother approved, and he watched it on a large screen rather than a phone. Similarly, we must give children permission, but it must be controlled.

3. Teaching Quran and Tafseer
Regarding your second question about when to start Quranic Tafseer (exegesis): children today are very intelligent. When they are 3 or 4 years old and learning the Yassarnal Quran (basic primer), you can start explaining the Surahs through stories. Focus on the miracles mentioned in the Quran; these stories leave a very positive impression on children.

4. Modesty and Hijab
For your third question about whether girls should start the veil (Parda) at age 7: it is not mandatory at that age. You should focus on modest dressing first and introduce the formal veil after puberty.

5. Discipline vs. Harshness
Should we be strict with children? There is a difference between harshness (Sakhti) and discipline. Harshness is when a child makes a mistake, but you haven't given them guidance or created an environment that encourages good and discourages sin, yet you slap them as punishment. Saying that "love and affection spoil children" is completely wrong and unjustified.
As I mentioned, children have dignity. If you don't respect them, they won't listen to you. Instead, maintain discipline, which keeps both parents and children on track. When things follow a disciplined routine, those who follow it should be praised. Appreciation is the key.

6. Supplications (Duas) for Children
You asked which Duas to recite for a child’s good fortune (Naseeb).
رَبَّنَا تَقَبَّلْ مِنَّا ۖ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ السَّمِيعُ الْعَلِيمُ ۝ رَبَّنَا وَاجْعَلْنَا مُسْلِمَيْنِ لَكَ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِنَا أُمَّةً مُّسْلِمَةً لَّكَ وَأَرِنَا مَنَاسِكَنَا وَتُبْ عَلَيْنَا ۖ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيمُ ۝ رَبِّ اجْعَلْ هَٰذَا بَلَدًا آمِنًا وَارْزُقْ أَهْلَهُ مِنَ الثَّمَرَاتِ ۝ رَبِّ اجْعَلْنِي مُقِيمَ الصَّلَاةِ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِي ۚ رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلْ دُعَاءِ ۝ رَبَّنَا اغْفِرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيَّ وَلِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَوْمَ يَقُومُ الْحِسَابُ ۝
"Our Lord! Accept (this service) from us. Verily! You are the All-Hearer, the All-Knower. Our Lord! And make us submissive unto You and of our offspring a nation submissive unto You, and show us our ceremonies of pilgrimage, and accept our repentance. Truly, You are the One Who accepts repentance, the Most Merciful.
My Lord! Make this a city of peace and provide its people with fruits. My Lord! Make me one who establishes prayer, and from my offspring (also make such). Our Lord! And accept my invocation. Our Lord! Forgive me and my parents and the believers on the Day when the account will be established."
Your questions were truly excellent! For more details and to join our "Parenting with Purpose" course, please speak with the administrator.