Dr. Asiya Staff asked 2 months ago
Assalamu Alaikum..I hope you are doing well Mam....
I am divorced and have a daughter of 5years..She lives with her father .she comes once a week to meet me but she doesn't want to live with her father..when she is leaving my place she says Mama I don't wanna go..me too wants to live with her..her father is ready to support her financially..but I have no male in my house no brother and father just me my sis and mother that's why I cannot allow my daughter to live with me because there is no one to pick and drop her to the school..And also I cannot trust any van driver in this matter..I am just 24 years old and don't look like even once I married or have a daughter..My relatives say you should get married again and think of your future you have a life ahead...Now I am stressed what should I do now?? Should I take my daughter?if I take her I cannot get married again as my new husband would be Non-mehram to her and I don't know what kind of man he would be? Am I sinful or selfish if I don't take my daughter's custody as it is clear she wants to live with me..plz guide me should I meet her or not cuz she gets verys upset when he has to go her father's home...Plus if I don't take her custody and doesn't meet her..her father and her grandparents would say her your mom was a bad lady and mother .she didn't think of you...And then may b she wouldn't want to see me ..I am sooo worried and heartbroken...Plz pray for me what should I do now?? ...Note his father gave me divorced..he used to beat me, my mother in law also tortured me mentally then I demanded a separate portion for me and said if your son would beat me again fo no reason I would call the police then they found a solution which was divorce
1 Answers
Dr. Asiya Staff answered 2 months ago
May Allah Almighty have mercy on you. You got divorced at the age of twenty-four because your mother-in-law was very toxic. And when you said that you would call the police, they said they would give you a divorce. Your daughter is suffering, but do not worry.
Leaving the daughter with her father was the best decision ever.
Remember that children who grow up facing hardships are very brave. We mothers tend to raise our children by sheltering them too much (literally: by keeping them in a box of cotton wool). Insha'Allah (God willing), your daughter will be very wise and sensible.
And she can come to meet with you on a regular basis.
Furthermore, you need to regularize this a bit. Tell her what actually happened. And do not take responsibility for her; her father is there, let him take her, otherwise, he won't. Explain to your daughter that she cannot live with you.
Get her nicely dressed up and send her. Meet her; certainly, one day is not enough. Meet her every two weeks; call her during the holidays. And before she goes back, tell her: 'You have to be brave and study well.' Do not destroy her by keeping her under your shadow; instead, empower her. Regarding the topic of marriage you mentioned, find a good person and get married immediately. You deserve a good and pious man.
A stepfather is a mahram forever (meaning a non-marriageable relative). Those who commit wrongdoings can even mistreat their biological daughters. You should have realistic expectations from him (the stepfather) regarding your daughter, such that he doesn't speak ill of her. He cannot love your daughter as his own child."
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