How to Cultivate Patience and Self-Control in Conflict

You ask how we can stop being responsive and how to cultivate tolerance and endurance. The whole problem is that we demand tolerance and endurance from others, but we don't practice it ourselves. We tell them not to abuse or talk nonsense. So, I tell you: stop minding it. They are just words. Are they slitting your throat? Are they leaving a mark on your body? They are doing absolutely nothing! My mother used to say, "Your side is stained/dirty" (meaning: why are you bothered?). You must develop the skill within yourself to ignore unnecessary things without arguing. Now, when they see that you are unaffected, they do this (speak harshly) specifically to mobilize you, to make you angry. And when you get angry, they have you dancing on their fingertips, and they can make you say any kind of nonsense. The person speaking wrong things, just understand their job is to bark. Remember the correct things, and throw the unnecessary things in the trash. Learn the skill of enduring and ignoring. And make this Du'a (supplication) to Allah: "Allahumma inni as'aluka al-huda w'al-tuqa w'al-'afafa w'al-ghina" (O Allah, I ask You for guidance, piety, abstinence/chastity, and self-sufficiency).