Dr. Asiya Staff asked 2 months ago
I have an arranged marriage and its been almost 7 years to my marriage. My husband used to love some girl from Kuwait before our marriage. One reason or another, they couldn't get married but my husband is still not over her. I came to know about his affair after quite a long time. Initially it was contact on phone and perhaps 2 times they've meet each other. But last year my husband was planning to marry her. He was hiding this from me but eventually ALLAH expose everything . After his parents and sisters reacted severely to this decision of him, he stepped back,but he is still in contact with that woman and he has made it clear to me that he will not marry her but he just can not cut ties with that woman. we live in Europe and ofcourse by law he can not marry and register another woman on his name. But now he is trying to call her on student visa and only ALLAH knows what will happen. The thing is that I am mentally drained of this situation, I can not leave him as we have a son together who loves his father. I am also studying here so may be in a year or so I will start working as well. I know whatever ALLAH plan for us is always better but can you guide me how can I stop these things from bothering me. I know my husband will not leave me or his son but he will also not leave that woman. Aside from this affair of his, there is apparently no other problem in my life. That's why I just want to focus on myself and my son. Being in love and doing second marriage in not haram in our religion but what about the wife who has to pay the price of husband's failed love story. There are so many details of his betrayal and lies which I can not write here. but please guide me how can I stop these things from affecting my mental health.
1 Answers
Dr. Asiya Staff answered 2 months ago
This is a very painful thing. To see all this happening right before your eyes and pretend that nothing has happened. Your husband's past love is now trying to call her over on a student visa, and she will come here. Your husband has said, "I will not ruin you and our son, but I will not leave that girl either." You cannot do anything, you have to tolerate this because you have no other problems in your life apart from this. You are studying yourself, and you have a son, everything else is fine. If I tell you to take a step here, it depends on how much patience and endurance you have. You are currently enduring it and you say you are suffering from mental stress. It's also for your husband that what he is doing is not right at all. But the problem is that there is no way to hold him accountable and question him. He does not want to marry her. If he did marry her, at least there would be a system in your life, and you would not have that feeling of betrayal, you would have to accept it, but this is your trial. He does not want to marry, and that lady is also coming. Dear, what should I tell you? Give your husband a deadline of one or two years and give one to yourself too. Say, "Either leave her or marry her and bring her into the system, or I will separate from you." If you don't want to do anything in all this, then I can only suggest prayers. Pray that God gives you a good partner, virtuous, not a man of bad character whose presence people dislike because of his 'smell' (meaning bad reputation/deeds). I have told you everything, now it's up to you what you do. You have got your answer, you won't need to consult with me.
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